Insomnia, Shortened Dreams, and Lifetime Roles

Pt. 1-Insomnia
You know those nights when it's late. And you're super tired. And you want to fall asleep. But you just can't? Yeah. Last night was one of those. I lay in bed at 3AM and just stared at the ceiling. Actually, that's not true. I stared at my pillow because I was sorta laying on my face. Comfy.
Regardless, I couldn't fall asleep? I had far too much on my mind. But nothing at the same time? It's as if I had a million thoughts racing through my mind but I wasn't really focusing on any of them. Am I spouting out nonsense here? Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Probably not. 
Anyway, the things that were passing through my synapse (geek to the max) were mostly good things to be kept awake by, if there is such a thing. 
I thought of my mission. I thought of what articles I was going to send today (an editor for a nearby newspaper wanted to see some of my writings. Yay!). I thought of finally getting rid of the hiccups I'd had all day. I thought of the family trip that we will be leaving for tomorrow. I thought of many things but, eventually, I fell asleep.


Pt. 2-Shortened Dreams
At some point early this morning I began to dream a marvelous dream. Then I woke up before I was able to finish the awesomeness that it was. Why? Because I felt like I needed to blow my nose. Blow my freakin nose! Not even a worthy cause. I tried to will myself back into a slumber in which I finished the dream. But that didn't happen. Unfortunate.

Pt. 3-Lifetime Roles
I was reading over at The Dirt Life and I found a woman of mine own understanding. What I feel, what I want in this life? She gets it.
I want to travel this world. I want to write about it and take pictures of the different types of beauties. I want to get married and have my husband travel with me. I want to live different places while we're still young, experience different atmospheres. And then, when it's time to start a family, I want to get a little place in the country and I want to become a mom. I want to stay at home with my children, writing and taking photos whenever I can, taking photos of them. Writing of them. I want to put all of my heart and soul into things that I love, my pen, my camera, my family. I don't care about becoming a career woman but, when I say that, many get offended as if I am backhanding every woman's right activist that ever lived. Forgive me, that's not how I mean it at all. This is the way I am though. I was cut from a different cloth than you.
I am confident that my role in this life is to be a wife and a mother and I am excited to, someday, be able to focus on that. First, though, I need to thank my Heavenly Father for offering me that opportunity and give 18 months to him.

In Case You Missed Them...Oh. And an Internship

So there you have it folks! The poems I wrote about each of my family members. Hope you liked reading them! If you missed any of 'em, I have compiled a little list for you to go back and read them all easily. 

You're welcome.

Dad

Mom

(I fit in right here, but obviously I didn't write myself a poem. That'd be dumb.)

Sapphire

Steele

Shylo

Sequoia
(Aren't my parents just the best for giving their kids names like Sapphire and Steele? Seriously. If I was a boy, I would want to be named Steele. How B.A. and by that I mean bad attitude.)

L to R: Sapphire, Me, Dad, Mom, Steele, and in front there's Sequoia and Shylo

Forgive me for the poor quality of the photo...it's a phone picture but the most recent one that we have together.

Anyway, for some more exciting news on my life...I just got an internship writing for a bridal magazine! I'm actually interviewing people and having my articles published and everything! How blessed am I?! Most people have to start making copies and getting the coffee or whatever but I get to jump straight to the writing. Dreams do come true. Thank you thank you thank you, Heavenly Father! I'm gonna be a real live journalist after all! (Which is good because I hear being one of the dead ones isn't that great.)

Daddy--Norm

Evolving Wealth

I found a treasure in an old shoebox today

Worn edges and faded color,

The snapshot was like gold in my hands

Taking me back and making me rich…

Pink satin heels

Five sizes too big

Cover my tiny feet

As we dance across the hardwood floor

They make no sound

For daddy lets me stand on his boots

Spinning us both in rhythm

To the silence of our kitchen

His calloused hands hold mine

He smells of concrete and dirt

And his sun-beaten face smiles down at me

Mom comes down the stairs to find

I’m borrowing her shoes

And her dance partner

But she doesn’t mind

She smiles as she grabs the old Kodak

And the flash captures this moment in time

Life is simple when you’re five

How was I to know how long his day had been

Or how exhausted he already was

As he picked me up

And gave me butterfly kisses?

Those heels silently taught me

That dad would always let me stand on his boots

Carrying me when I didn’t know the steps

And guiding me when I clumsily got off beat

It’s now that I see,

I found a treasure hiding in mom’s closet that day

Madre--Amy

Hand in hand

She glances over at me

And her eyes smile

Tires swallow asphalt

As we sing our hearts out

Like old friends

And we are

I’m four years old

Crying at the door

When she has to leave

Donning her shirt

I lay in her bed

Closing my eyes

And breathing in

Her scent

While I wait for

Her return

I’m ten and

I can’t seem to

Stay awake

To finish my paper on

The Boston Tea Party

In the morning

The last few sentences

Are in place

But they aren’t my words

I’m a whole seventeen

And my heart was

Just broken for the first time

She strokes my ratted hair

The curly mess

Which we share

Without so much as

“I told you so”

I’m twenty and

Living in my own apartment

She comes to visit and

We both can see

How much I have grown

As we share stories

Late into the night

We are now equals

She respects my

Opinions and advice

As I do hers

The only friend

I’ve always had

She’s helped me transition

From Barbies

To books

To boyfriends

And now

To becoming an adult

No matter how many

Years pass

I will never be too old

Or too busy

To tell her secrets

And take her hand

She has never been too busy

To take mine.

Sapphire

So I clearly couldn't pick one picture. We have a lot pictures together and I love them way too much to not include them in this post! But seriously, look at the one of her by herself. Isn't she just gorgeous?

(Check out her cute self over here!)

Warning: This poem may or may not, but most certainly does, contain many inside jokes.

Gnomes That *Thump*

I have never had my own room.

Except for once.

After a fight.

I moved to the basement

For ten minutes.

I have never had my own room

So when my world seemed to be ending

I had someone to talk to

Someone who hugged me tight

And rubbed my back

Until I fell asleep.

I have never had my own room

So if an interested boy placed a phone call

He had to be prepared for a conversation

With the both of us.

I have never had my own room

So I never got much sleep

Sharing laughter and inside jokes

Of *thumps*

And gnomes in the wall

Until the early morning.

I have never had my own room

And I suppose that accounts

For who I am today.

Because I have had

My best friend

My sister

Beside me the whole way.

I have not always appreciated

The fact that

I have never had my own room.

I do now.

Steele

“Little Brother”

When you were younger

You used to say

That you wanted to

Marry me

I thought you strange

But according to mom

That’s what little kids say

When they admire someone

We grew older and

You had no other brother so

I filled the role

Football, basketball, baseball,

And a “Wanna wrestle?”

When I came home

A handwritten letter

I wrote

Still tacked onto your wall

I never realized

Just how much

It meant

Now that you’re in high school

And I’ve moved away

There’s something

You should know:

I respect and admire you too,

More and more

Each passing day

I no longer have to

Dress you and

Teach you how to act

You seem to have

A feel for it

And the girls sure noticed fast

I almost wish

I hadn’t taught you

How to be so cool

For, in my eyes,

No one will ever be

Good enough for

My little brother

I guess “my little brother”

Is not so little anymore

You outgrew me long ago

But I will always,

Always

Be protective of the boy

I love so much

A great athlete

You now dominate in sports

And with a name like “Steele”

Others are intimidated

But I know better

I know

You really wanted

To be named “Trixy”

For the longest time

And I know,

Though mature for your age,

You still manage to

Slip away to

A magical land of

Batteries

I know

That you have

A heart of gold

I’ve seen you

Play with children

And I’ve watched you become

The greatest brother

I have ever known

I admire you,

“Little brother,”

And all the potential

 That you have

I look up to you,

“Little brother,”

Quite literally now

I wouldn’t change you,

“Little brother,”

Not one little thing

And I cannot

Wait to see

The man you’re

Meant to be

Shylo

Continuing on with my Christmas gifts...this poem was written for my second youngest sister, Shylo.

I Know You

Like the book

In which you

Are absorbed,

You’re easy to read

I know that

You care for us,

Your siblings,

Enough to

Defend us

Against all odds

I know that

You act as though

You are untouchable

In order to protect

Your fragile emotions

And soft heart

I know that

Your mound of books

Has gifted you

With intelligence and

In a world

All your own

Your imagination

Often runs wild

I wish I could

Escape with you

Because I know

How enchanting

It must be

I know because

I have been there

In my own mind

I know that

People say

You look like me

But I was

Much more awkward

At your age

I know how

Excited you can get

Over the same things

That I am passionate about

I know that

When I look at you

I see

A younger version

A smarter version

A kinder version

A better version

Of myself

Sequoia

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible blogger. Getting into the groove of things here in good ol' AZ has really thrown off my blogging. I'll work on that.

Anyway, as promised, here's the first  of the seven poems I wrote for my family members for Christmas. I'm going to start at the youngest and work my way up to the oldest so this one is about my 10 year old sister, Sequoia.

Baby Sister

Following ten years

Behind me in age,

My youngest sister

Doesn’t follow at all

With a mind all her own,

She is

Lively, Spirited,

And too often headstrong

But she is also

Gentle and kind

And eager to help

That fact becomes clear

When she realizes that

I’m a poor college student

And offers

All of the money

She has collected in

That little pink purse

I cannot take

 Her dollar bills

And pennies,

Though she’s pushing them

Into my hands

Like the mite

Of the widow,

My sister is willing to give

All that she has

She’s the first

To greet me

When I return

And always the

Most excited to hear

My voice on the phone

Her handwritten letters

Let me know she

Wants me home

And emotion-filled hugs

Tell me

It’s here I belong