Sunday, July 8, 2012

Hello Again

I'm sorry I've been gone so in Arizona was...awesome. I loved it there. However, since I only lived there for six months, I wanted to live every moment that I wasn't working, even the moments when I was working. Not that I don't love writing and posting on here, but I figured that I would probably make more memories when I was actually out doing something rather than sitting inside writing on my blog. That's also a plus about not advertising on your blog, you can take a little break every once in a while and no one minds. Now that I'm finally home in Nebraska (I flew in last week) I'll be able to post again. 
So much has changed. So. Much. 
I now have these two beautiful little girls that I have nannied since January and I love them. I love them so much that, sometimes, I feel like I may burst from holding too much emotion in my 5'4" body. I can't even imagine having my own children. How will I ever be able to handle even more love? As of now they are in Nebraska staying with their grandma for a week and a half and I have been able to see them every couple of days. I'm dreading Sunday when they have to go back home to Arizona. I'll probably cry like a baby saying goodbye to them. I'm about to start crying now. *Deep breath.* The hardest part is that they probably won't remember me in a few months, especially after I don't see them for probably two years.
I have a boyfriend now, a decision that I made after a lot of thought and prayer. (Remember that great guy I posted about...quite awhile ago? Yep. That's him.) It was a decision that I will never regret: we have each learned so much from one another. We have been dating for four months now and he's an amazing person that I have been able to watch change and grow since I first met him. When I moved back to Nebraska he made the decision to follow me here. As excited as I was to spend more time with him, it made me a little nervous having someone move across the country for me. That's a lot of pressure. I've never had someone who would do something like that for me. It's flattering, it's exciting, it's a little scary. Before he moved we talked about it and decided that, once we got here, we would pray about it and see how long he should stay in Nebraska. Now that we've been here a few weeks, we've come to the conclusion that it would be best for him to return home at the end of the summer. Being here together has been great, but I don't think it's necessarily the best decision for either of us at the moment. As much as I truly do love and care about him, he's not the one for me. Not right now; no one is. The timing isn't right.
Which leads me to the biggest change, I'm preparing to serve a mission. I have most of my paperwork done and I'll send them in in August. I cannot wait to find out where I'm going. It's still pretty surreal, but I'm excited and I know that this is what I'm supposed to do. This is the one time in my life that I have received a distinct, "Yes. That's the right decision, go ahead with it." And I've received it twice. How could I possibly deny that? I seriously thought about waiting for Seth to come home from his mission before I left for mine...I would really like to see him again...but I know that that would make it much harder for me to leave. And I know I need to.
So that's where I'm at right now. That's what is going on in my life. I'll fill you in on more later.


Petra said...

You have grown into such amazing young Lady Sierra, so much wisdom in such a young soul. It's beautiful to see you grow in your faith and to have God as your Center in your everyday Life. It is a gift that you can distance yourself from your wants right now and to let time and distance guide you until the right time arrives. If either of your relationships is meant to be it will fall into place when the time is right. Until then I wish you an exciting time preparing for your year abroad. Make sure to leave your address so we can sent something from time to time. Hugs

Sierra ShaneĆ” said...

Thanks so much, Petra!!I will definitely leave my address or at least my email address somewhere when I leave and I cannot wait to hear from you! Also, to answer the question from your other comment, I'm not planning on going back to Arizona anytime soon, at least not for an extended period of time so Nebraska it is!